[SSBB] To Brawl or not to Melee? [K]

This is a short story--my interpretation of how Brawl began. It centers around Pikachu as the main character. Enjoy!


This was it! This was Pikachu’s first day in the newly revised Super Smash Bros. Tournament. The Electric-type mouse was giddy with excitement, grinning wide from ear to ear. Before the actual tournament dome opened, a convention outside was open for the Smashers to get acquainted with another after seven years of being apart. This annual festival was brilliant; confetti, pizza, dance parties, and other events occurred throughout the convention. Pikachu had on his trusty blue goggles, scratching his ear. He recalled a time when he first joined the Smash just those seven years ago.

He was actually a Pichu then, being next to his best friend, Pikachu. Jigglypuff and Mewtwo were also there, so he wasn’t always alone. He was close to Pikachu so much, he would refer to him as “Big Brother”. However, after the events of Super Smash Bros. Melee’s tournament, Big Brother Pikachu went back to Kanto along with Mewtwo, and were never seen again. This saddened Pichu to the point of crying for so long; he missed his best friend. When the newest tournament was being introduced, Pichu thought he would enter and see Pikachu again, since Pikachu was in the first one and obviously in the second one.

However, Pichu was not pleased to hear that Big Brother Pikachu was no longer entering. He was apparently too far away to consider coming back… The Smash needed a mascot for Pokémon to enter. Pichu believed he would do the job well if only he evolved. He would be stronger, and even surpass his Big Brother. Pichu smiled, knowing he would need the help of a Trainer to evolve. It took five years of training that punished his small frame of body to toughen up, even to the damage of Ground-type moves. He got several massages, treats, and of course, love, by the Trainer he traveled with.

That day, when he evolved, is the day Pichu—the newest Pikachu—decided to leave the Trainer to officially enter the Super Smash Bros. Brawl tournament. He still recalled all his quirks from when he was a Pichu, still carrying his blue goggles he had during his youth. The blue scarf no longer fit him, so he had to leave it behind, as well as his cherished green backpack and red bowtie that usually wrapped around his left ear as a Pichu. Even with those minimal sacrifices, Pikachu was already willing to step forward.

As he stepped through the convention, pushing his memories aside, Pikachu spotted a few Pokémon he had never seen before; a Piplup. The blue little penguin was standing by his lonesome, which sparked Pikachu’s curiosity. He waltzed up towards the Water-type Pokémon, tapping his shoulder.

“Hi!” Pikachu chirped, which startled the Piplup.

“WHOA WHOA!” Piplup shouted, freaking out and spinning around abruptly. When he saw it was just a Pikachu, another Pokémon, he calmed down. “What do you want?”

“I see you’re another Pokémon like me. So who are you?”

Piplup stared cautiously at the Electric rodent a moment before puffing out his chest. “Hmph! My name is Piplup. I came here to register for the tournament. But all the spots for the Pokémon to fight were taken, so I ended up being something called a Pokéball assist.” The penguin eyed Pikachu suspiciously before gawking in awe. “H-hey! Aren’t you Pikachu? The one who fought in the last two tournaments!? Y-you’re a legend to us Sinnoh-native Pokémon!”

Pikachu laughed lightly to Piplup’s assumption, shaking his head. “No. But, you can say I was Pikachu’s little brother. I was Pichu in the Melee tournament seven years ago!”

“Oh…” Piplup said, half sadly. “I didn’t know Pikachu had a little brother. What a surprise. But wow, you grew up, didn’t you?”

“You bet!” Pikachu cheered gleefully. “I wanted to evolve and be as strong as Big Brother Pikachu. He was my best friend and always looked after me when I joined the tournament those years ago. He even trained me to use my electric attacks without hurting myself.”

“Ha-ha-ha-ha!” Piplup began laughing, causing Pikachu to stop chatting and tilt his head.

“Wh-what’s so funny?” he asked, baffled.

“You were THAT Pichu?! You’re so funny!” The Water-type chortled. “You would hurt yourself when you used Thunder or Thunder Jolt. You couldn’t even take smash attacks without being sent flying off the screen! Ah-ha-ha-ha!” Pikachu blinked, looking away and rubbing his left arm with his right paw nervously and feeling embarrassed. How did this Pokémon know? Were they…watching his every fight?

“U-uh yeah. Why so?” Pikachu questioned. “I won many fights by myself. I even beat Ganondorf by myself!”

“Pfft, yeah. If the match wasn’t rigged to handicap!” Piplup continued, giggling. “Oh, and you had to use items that appeared just to win. That was absolutely pathetic!”

Pikachu’s ears lowered, and a frowned formed on his face. It was true, that in some matches, the settings had to be on handicap. But that was just when he was first starting out! Big Brother Pikachu even helped him with his Electric attacks after that, so he won matches without the use of handicap or hurting himself or using items! “Hey. I eventually got better over the time!” The mouse shot back, getting upset. “That stuff was only at the beginning when I first joined! S-so don’t talk like that and say those things!”

Piplup wiped a few tears from his eyes, calming down from his laughter. “Oh, sorry. It was just so funny. Just one Warlock Punch KO’d you so fast, the match was over in twenty seconds. And then, one time you were partnered with Pikachu—”

“Ugh! I don’t need to hear this and be reminded of my defeats, okay!?” Pikachu hissed, storming away. What a way to spend the time recalling good times! He didn’t need to be reminded of how terrible he was when starting out; he knew that already. He liked hearing about good and cool things he’s done, like wall-kicking! He could perform that trick while his brother could not. Yeah! He also had the move Volt Tackle too! That was something the first Pikachu didn’t have! Pikachu smiled confidently at his progress. Just because he was around Pikachu for so long as a Pichu, didn’t mean he had to be treated as second rate.

While he was storming through the festivities, someone was sitting high in a nearby tree, which towered everything from the ground up, watched quietly the mouse Pokémon. Their red eyes carefully eyed the Electric-type as he stopped at the nearest person; a princess in a pink colored dress.

“…” it dotted.

Pikachu paused momentarily, believing he was being watched from somewhere. He looked around, his conscience telling him to look up. When he did, he saw those blood-red eyes staring at him. He didn’t know who they belonged to, and wasn’t in the mood to really figure it out. Probably just some hallucination…

“Hey, it’s Peach! Hi Peach!” Pikachu exclaimed as he neared the Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom. The blonde haired noble turned around to see the yellow mouse with blue goggles approaching her. Since she’s been around Pokémon for a few years, she partially understood what Pikachu was saying.

“Oh!” Peach squeaked, “Pikachu, it’s good to see you again! You’ve lost a lot of weight, haven’t you?” She petted the mouse, who smiled and wagged his tail doggishly. The princess turned to another princess, who Pikachu easily recognized, even with her new hairdo and stylish clothes. “You remember Zelda, right? Well, we were having a chat with Samus right now.” Pikachu tilted his head, then suddenly remembered who ‘Samus’ was. He was that bounty hunter with the red helmet that would blast him off the stage in the Melee tournament years ago.

“Ugh. That Samus Aran guy? He was really mean and rude to me.” Pikachu complained, pouting even. Zelda chuckled, hearing Pikachu’s complaint through the use of her magical abilities.

“Oh… Pichu, don’t you worry. This time, Samus is different.” The princess of Hyrule stated.

Peach blinked, almost dumbfounded. “Th-that’s Pichu? The adorable little other Pikachu that would follow Pikachu?” She asked her fellow noble. Zelda nodded, which made Peach squee in delight. Even though she herself hadn’t fought Pichu in the Melee tournament often, seeing the little mouse Pokémon was like a teddy bear plush toy. “Oh! Pichu, you’ve grown up so much since we last saw you!” The Mushroom Kingdom Princess bent down to pick up the Electric mouse and hug him tight.

Pikachu was a little excited to hear that Peach still liked him like before. “Yeah, I did.” He managed to utter out before the princess nearly suffocated him.

“Peach, put him down before you kill him!” Zelda reprimanded her. The blonde sighed sadly, but let Pikachu go, but continued to pet him. Pikachu sighed in relief, though was curious to wonder why Zelda said Samus was different. He looked all around, but didn’t see the orange-armored bounty hunter anywhere. Just some lady in a blue jumpsuit with blonde hair and blue eyes, armed with a gun. Whoa.

“I don’t see that Samus guy!” Pikachu pouted.

“Hee-hee. Pikachu, Samus is right here.” Zelda pointed out to the jumpsuit lady that Pikachu had just seen with his eyes. The Electric mouse snapped his head back to the woman, who had her arms crossed. He had to double take her appearance that he so blindly missed. Whoa indeed. His eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. When was Samus a…girl?

“Whoa! When was Samus a girl?” He repeated his thoughts, gawking in awe at the ponytail haired woman.

“Well, she was always a female, Pikachu.” The Hylian Princess answered, “You boys just assume so much.”

Pikachu twitched his eye, staring dumbfounded at Samus. She was doing likewise, though had a menacing glare attached. The mouse Pokémon gulped and blushed darkly. He hadn’t known Samus was a female, let alone being without her armor. A common mistake, apparently. He couldn’t tell if she was human at first, but now that he can truly see her face… “Uh, hi Samus. I’m Pichu from the Melee tournament and I—” He started but the woman was walking away.

Great, now he made her upset because of his blabbering mistake. Pikachu slapped himself with a face palm. So much for building a new bond and starting a clean slate! Zelda and Peach also watch the upset blonde leave, having a clue why she would. “I’m sorry about her, Pikachu.” The pink-dressed Princess began slowly, the mouse lowering his ears again.

“It’s okay.” Pikachu told her, frowning a bit. He was sort of hoping Samus would forgive him for all those bad pranks he pulled as a Pichu. Maybe she would later on… He perked up a little, trying to smile. “I’m going to meet some of the others now. Maybe I’ll see someone I know. Bye!” The ex Johto-native Pokémon hurried along into the festival, continuing to keep his cheery grin on as he usually would. During his trek, he met up with another character with blue hair and wielded a sword, named Ike. Apparently, since Roy couldn’t come back, they had to find a replacement. Pikachu sighed sadly when hearing of his favorite redhead not returning, but at least he could remember the good times. He sent Marth a friendly wave while leaving the two swordsmen.

Next, he ran into a boy with an orange striped shirt with blond hair that spiked up a little. Pikachu almost called him Ness without a hat, but was corrected by the young hero of Tazmily. His name is Lucas. Thanks to his psychic power, Lucas was able to communicate with Pikachu directly, and the two became friends easily. “Lucas, want to come with me? There’s a lot of others here that I’ve yet to meet, and you shouldn’t be alone.” Pikachu invited, the boy smiling.

“Sure, Pikachu. I’ll admit I don’t know anyone here, but it shouldn’t be too bad, right?”

“Yeah!” the mouse chirped excitedly. “Come on!”

The two hurried again through another cycle of the convention, stopping at a Whack-a-Mole game. Playing the game was another young boy, about the same size as Lucas, maybe a little taller. He had large, dark blue eyes, golden blond hair that curled to the side, having a sword and sheath on his back and wearing a green tunic. Pikachu nearly mistook him as a smaller Link, like Young Link back from the Melee tournament, but was a little disappointed when the child was not.

“Oh, hello.” The Link alike began, ending his game of Whack-a-Mole, getting his earned tickets from the machine. “Who are you two?” The small elven boy grinned when he further noticed the Electric-type and the boy psychic.

“My name is Lucas,” the other boy with blond hair introduced. “I’m from Nowhere Island, presumably Tazmily Village.”

“And, I’m Pikachu.” The mouse added next, which Lucas translated for him to the sword-wielder child.

“I see. My name is Link.” The green wearer began, surprising Pikachu. “But because of my appearance, I’ll be dubbed as ‘Toon Link’ by Master and Crazy Hand. Since there’s another incarnation of me here already.” Toon Link nodded his head another way, then pointed at the adult, taller and much more mature Link. “But, you can call me ‘TL’ for short. I don’t mind it either way.”

“Okay then. I’ll call you TL when we’re around other people,” Lucas started. “And, when we’re not around others, we’ll call you by your first name, Link. That way, it’ll just be us three knowing.”

Toon Link grinned at the idea, nodding. “That sounds great. But, are you assuming we’re…friends?”

“Well, why not?” Pikachu asked, smiling. “You’re small like us, and heck, we’re all yellow!” The two boys took notice that their hair was indeed that color as well as Pikachu’s fur. They all shared a couple of giggles before Toon Link approved of the idea of friendship.

“Seeing as I’m far from home—well we all are, huh? I wouldn’t mind having new friends. Plus, I can tell we’ll all get along just great. Just the three of us. I hope we room in together for that matter.” Lucas added, imagining. “I don’t want to be paired up with that other kid. His name was… Ness I think.” Pikachu rolled his eyes, shaking his head. He remembered Ness, mainly due to the fact the dark-haired child constantly used this thing called ‘PK Pulse’ against him.

“Oh, don’t worry about him.” Pikachu chuckled, “Let’s go have some fun now. There’s got to be some games here that requires three players!”

“How about we go jump in that giant castle thing over there? I overheard one of the adults saying it was meant for kids and small Pokémon.” Lucas pointed out to his new friends, who looked over as well. The other two smiled wide, nodding their heads as they raced over quickly. Along the way, they nearly ran into Luigi, Mario’s taller twin brother. The green-cap wearer almost freaked out by the sight of the children nearly running him over. As soon as the three got to the bouncer, Lucas and Toon Link removed their shoes, the latter taking his sword and shield off, casting them aside (carefully) and then climbed into the inflatable castle house, jumping it in giddily.

“Guys! Watch this!” Toon Link chanted, pulling off a trick of a back flip.

“Ha-ha, that’s cool! Watch me!” Pikachu somersaulted forward three times without landing on his feet.

The other two laughed in excitement, then Pikachu and Toon Link looked at Lucas, hoping he would do something. “Come on Lucas! Do something cool!” the two chirped, encouraging him. Lucas bashfully smiled, then nodded.

“All right, then!” the striped shirt wearer squeaked, jumping higher, performing a sideways flip, almost like a cartwheel, but staying in midair due to his psychic capabilities. His friends smile wide when he lands, them continuing to jump wildly.

“That was cool, Lucas!” Pikachu chirped first.

“Very cool!” Toon Link agreed.

Lucas chuckled, rubbing his head. “Thanks you two. Yours were awesome, too you know.”

“So all of ours were great tricks!” Pikachu added. “Let’s keep playing!”

After about another half hour in the jump castle house, the three friends exited it, feeling tired and thirsty. Lucas suggested they try the lemonade stand towards the cotton candy booth. His companions nod in agreement, and the three eventually began making their way. Along the way, Toon Link struck up a mild conversation. “So, where are you guys from again?” He asked, putting his hands behind his head.

“Tazmily Village, from the Nowhere Islands.” Lucas repeated.

“I’m from the Johto region.” Pikachu answered.

“Cool, cool.” Toon Link smiled, trying to imagine the places. “I’m from New Hyrule, the Great Sea from Outset Island to be specific.”

“You both are from islands!” Pikachu chirped, laughing. “Still, one day, maybe, I can visit your homelands somehow.”

“Definitely.” The tunic wearer agreed, appearing to have understood Pikachu without the need of translation. “I’d like to see how your homeland is like, Pikachu.” He turned his head to Lucas, smiling. “Yours too!”

“I agree.” Lucas added, “I mean, that’s what friends do. Visit one another.”

The three were nearly at the lemonade stand when Lucas stopped them, having a feeling they were being watched or something. His friends curiously wondered why until they felt the presence themselves. Pikachu sparked up his electricity, Toon Link unsheathed his sword, and Lucas prepared his psychic energy. They remained that way until the presence seemingly passed over. That was strange.

“Weird.” Toon Link blurted out first, slowly sheathing his blade.

“Agreed…” Pikachu said, carefully discharging his electricity.

“I wonder who or what that was?” Lucas asked rhetorically. Toon Link shrugged his shoulders, pulling out his wallet from his back pocket.

“I don’t know, but whoever it was better watch out. We’re not just ordinary kids.” The Hylian boy noted, grabbing a few diamond things from his wallet. Pikachu and Lucas quizzically stared at him when he did. Toon Link felt as if he were being stared at, turning to find the other two doing so. “What? Is there something on my face?” He asked, blinking.

“No.” Lucas started.

“But what are those?” Pikachu finished, pointing to the diamond gems Link pulled out of his wallet. The boy questionably glanced at his money, chuckling playfully.

“Oh. This is what I use as a currency in my homeland. It’s called ‘Rupees’. They come in different colors and are worth differently, too.” The child pulled out different colored Rupees to make a point, aligning them in a specific order. Lucas and Pikachu eyed each one, liking how they shined in the sunlight. “The green one here is worth one. The blue one next to it is worth five. This yellow one is worth ten, the red one is worth twenty. Next to this, is the purple rupee, worth fifty.” The boy stops momentarily, glancing at his friends before continuing.

“The orange one is worth two hundred and the silver is worth one thousand.” Toon Link finished explaining, smiling proudly.

“That’s… a lot.” Lucas admitted, Pikachu nodding his head in agreement. “Were you going to use some for us?”

“That’s the plan!” the sword user beamed, scooping up all of his Rupees except the purple one. He pocketed the rest of his money in his wallet, turning to the tender and buying three cups of lemonade with just the single purple gem. Lucas and Pikachu exchanged glances, with the latter tapping his chin. He could have sworn he saw those ruby things before from somewhere, but couldn’t exactly remember. “Here we are! Three lemonades and all with cool looking straws.” Toon Link announced, handing his two friends their drinks.

“Ah, thanks!” both Pikachu and Lucas chirped, taking their share. They all looked at one another, taking a long sip of their delicious lemonade and sighed in relief.

“Ahhh, that hit the spot.” The boys chanted in unison, laughing as they went ahead to stroll through the rest of the convention for the new Smash tournament. While doing so, they met Kirby, a returning fighter who loved to eat just about anything and everything in sight, Yoshi, a green dinosaur as well as Kirby’s proclaimed companion in eating anything. The boys also encountered the famous Mario, the returning Ice Climbers Popo and Nana whom Pikachu remembered as well. Near them was an angel named Pit, who demonstrated a few cool moves to the kids, as well as taking a kindred in them.

Next was the bipedal Fox McCloud and his partner, Falco Lombardi—two more characters Pikachu recognized. The Electric mouse laughed at Fox’s “new styling boots”, with Falco, Lucas and Toon Link joining in. Needless to say, Fox was not amused. While the boys didn’t meet everyone, they met a good portion of them. Soon, the music and festivities were slowing down, and two monstrous sized, white gloved hands appeared from nowhere, startling some of the newer Smashers.

“Ladies and gentleman. Welcome to the Super Smash Bros. Brawl Tournament!” Master Hand began, with the returning Smashers from the last tournament clapping. It was hard to distinguish between them, but the Master Hand was the right hand, while Crazy Hand, his brother, was the left hand. While Master Hand was talking, Pikachu elbowed his new friends and pointed at Crazy Hand.

“I used to call him the ‘Break Dancer’ all the time last tournament.” Pikachu said, whispering.

“Why for?” Lucas wondered.

“And you were here for the last tournament, I think seven years ago?” Toon Link added.

“Well, when you fight him, sometimes he goes on the stage floor and moves spastically. I thought it was funny and looked like he was dancing.” Pikachu giggled, “And yes I was there the last time, Link. I was a Pichu then.” Before the other two could respond, Master Hand’s booming voice broke their conversation.

“For this opening event, we’ll have one of the returning Smashers fight off one of the newcomers!” Several Smashers began chatting quietly to their nearest neighbors, wondering who would fight.

“I hope it’s me.” King Dedede snorted a loud and confidently.

“I hope it’s not me.” Luigi said after.

“Heh-heh-heh. We’ll be pulling a raffle ticket for two names. Those two who are picked will fight here on this stage with no Smash rules applied.” Crazy Hand announced, laughing cynically. This more or less made Luigi pale; that laugh always made him cringe, the poor thing. The crowd became silent while the Hands were shuffling a hat full of names. After a few seconds of shuffling, Master Hand pulled up a scrap of paper, reading the name somehow.

“For the returning Smasher, it will be Pikachu!” He boomed. Many of the returners clapped, though the ones Pikachu hadn’t met were slightly confused. They had thought Pikachu retired or something, but were surprised to see the electrical mouse, sporting a pair of blue goggles on his head. “Go get ‘em, Pikachu!” Toon Link and Lucas cheered, making the mouse blush lightly. Pikachu looked in the crowd of the combatants, possibly trying to find out who he would fight without hearing their name. However, his eyes caught onto the scornful ones of the bounty hunter, Samus, instead. The mouse blushed darker again, hiding his face from the blonde haired woman.

Pikachu sighed, thinking carefully. Probably going to be Ness—

“And the new Smasher to fight Pikachu is—Lucario!” Master Hand blurted out, breaking Pikachu out of his confidence. What? Who and what is a Lucario? It sounded like some new fashion of pizza or cheese. Yes, some new brand of cheese. However, the Electric-type was proven to be wrong. Coming onto the stage was a blue furred figure, that nearly resembled a jackal of sorts. Its ears stood up, having a black mask on its face, some weird ear things behind its head, and notable spikes on its chest and fore palms. It had yellow fur dominating its main chest to its abdomen, and then ended with a black line around the waist, completing the blue furry shorts-like it had for thighs. Black sported its paws, around its shoulders, and its entire legs and feet were that color. The one thing that Pikachu took notice of were its menacing, death colored red eyes.

He remembered seeing those same eyes staring at him earlier! “You…” Pikachu uttered, which his opponent said nothing. He also noted this creature felt familiar, like a Pokémon. Lucario got into a stance, turning its body sideways, its arms held in a bow-an-arrow position, legs apart, tail lowered, and then, strange, bluish energy emitting from the tips of its paws. What was that? The yellow mouse strangely eyed the energy, but got on all fours again like before, raising his tail, ears and cheeks began to crackle with sparks once more. “Are you a Pokémon?” Pikachu attempted to ask again, hoping to get some reply.

“…” Lucario dotted, but nodded as its answer.

“Okay… I just felt that you were in some way. I’ve never seen anyone like you before.”

“…Likewise…” Lucario finally spoke, Pikachu realizing the jackal’s voice as a male. Another whoa of the day, huh?

“Folks, keep your eyes on the battle! While this Pikachu is not our usual one from the past two tournaments, this is formerly Pichu, from our last, who evolved shortly before the invitations were given out.” Master Hand announced, some of the Smashers, who hadn’t known, awe. “Lucario is one of our newest Pokémon combatants. Mewtwo couldn’t make it here, so we have this Aura Pokémon replace him. Now then… are you two ready?”

Pikachu and Lucario both nod, glancing at one another as if this were a real Pokémon battle. Pikachu’s sparking crackled further, while Lucario narrowed his eyes harder, studying the Electric-type; Pikachu was doing likewise, trying to pinpoint where he would hit his opponent, as well as trying to figure out his typing. He could tell Lucario was a Fight-type, but something else about him felt different. What exactly was it?

“Ready…? And… BEGIN!” Master Hand shouted.

Pikachu blindly used Quick Attack to gain an upper hand on Lucario, lunging forward, demonstrating how much of his training was paying off. The Fight-Steel type readied himself, preparing a charge of Aura as he himself attempted to cut the Electric mouse off in his steps. Pikachu jumped at an interval, rolling midair as his thunderbolt-shaped tail prepared to slam against his opponent. Lucario met this attack with an array of Force Palm. The two attacks clashed—

—this was the beginning of the tournament, titled Super Smash Bros. Brawl!

For something as simple as the transition from Melee to Brawl, you really made a good story of it Hylia! I love how Pichu is the main character in this story (considering how neglected he was in Melee), and it's nice to see him taking initiative this time around. Guess he can prove to be quite the little fighter he truly was meant to be here (I also like how you noted as Pikachu in Brawl = Pichu considering their similarities).

The relationships he had with Toon Link and Lucas were amusing to read about and it really does seem like the beginning of a good friendship. I'd actually think a continuation of this story has potential, but regardless good story (reminds me of fanfics I used to read from Smash Bros. back in the day)! And that's a compliment I promise! Keep up the neat work!

Thanks Evo!

Yeah, Pichu is very neglected, being in the low-tier for Melee competitions and all. That really saddened me. I'm also one of those fans who firmly believe the Pikachu of Brawl was the Pichu in Melee. It seems to make sense and as you've read, I've tied the pieces together with that.

People at another site wanted this continued actually, so I had begun to type up another "chapter" for this to add onto it. It would feature Toon Link in one as the main character and Lucas in the other, so all three would have a story. ^^

Pichu is my favorite character in the Smash. <3 I can imitate his voice. xD

This story was awesome! I like how everything was described well. And Pikachu/Pichu VS Lucario was a great choice.

I would rate this fanfiction 10/10

Great Fan-fic.
I liked this was a long Fan-fic. Very welled detailed, and enjoyable.
10/10.

Continue on your story! This is turning out good so far!

(Note: I suck at criticism a Fan-Fic story. So, yeah. XD.)

This is awesome!10/10 this one of the longest one's i have ever seen but it is really good!Keep it up!